linux-l: Es ist mal wieder soweit: Darwin Awards 1998

[Andreas Kotes]

Hi,

wollte Euch folgendes Posting nicht vorenthalten, nachdem ich schon auf
dem Tisch gelegen habe.

Gruss,

  der Count

>>>> >1998 DARWIN AWARDS
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >They have finally been released! The 1998 DARWIN AWARDS!!!
>>>> >
>>>> >For those not familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor
>>>> >given to the person who provided the universal human gene pool the
>>>> >biggest service by getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupid
>>>> >way. As always, competition this year has been keen again. Some
>>>> >candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for this event.
>>>> >Entries this year have not had the elan of some previous ones, but
>>>> >are a worthy catalogue of stupidity, incompetence and bad luck.
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >    DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >1.  In September, in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and
>>>> >drowned
>>>> >    in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an
>>>> >    18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
>>>> >
>>>> >2.  In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who
>>>> >"totally
>>>> >    zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged
>>>> >    off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
>>>> >
>>>> >3.  Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he
>>>> >had
>>>> >    dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said
>>>> >    Daniel Jones, 21 dug the hole for fun, or protection from the
>>>> >    wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom
>>>> >    Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet
>>>> >    of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their
>>>> >    hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident
>>>> >    of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue
>>>> >    workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
>>>> >    about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a
>>>> >    hospital.
>>>> >
>>>> >4.  In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as
>>>> >he
>>>> >    fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
>>>> >    robbing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed
>>>> >    in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of
>>>> >    his skull as he hit the floor.
>>>> >
>>>> >5.  According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena,
>>>> >20,
>>>> >    was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman,
>>>> >    23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the
>>>> >    flak vest Berrena was wearing.
>>>> >
>>>> >6.  Sylvester Briddell, Jr, 26, was killed in February in
>>>> >Selbyville,
>>>> >    Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
>>>> >    revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
>>>> >    trigger.
>>>> >
>>>> >7.  In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel
>>>> >Kolta,
>>>> >    27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus
>>>> >    earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with
>>>> >    their snowmobiles.
>>>> >
>>>> >8.  In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a 100-foot-high bluff
>>>> >near
>>>> >    Ozark, Ark , after he lost his grip swinging on a cross that
>>>> >    marked the spot where another person had fallen to his death in
>>>> >    1990.
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >    DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >1.  In Guthrie, Okla , in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
>>>> >millipede
>>>> >    with a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted
>>>> >    off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the
>>>> >    head, fracturing his skull.
>>>> >
>>>> >2.  In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean
>>>> >out
>>>> >    cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a
>>>> >    propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second
>>>> >    floors of his house.
>>>> >
>>>> >3.  Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in
>>>> >    September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a
>>>> >    quarter-stick of dynamite that blew up in their car. While
>>>> >    driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and
>>>> >    tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but
>>>> >    they apparently failed to notice that the window was closed.
>>>> >
>>>> >4.  Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far:  In Betulia, Colombia, an annual
>>>> >    festival in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting.
>>>> >    This year, no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were
>>>> >    injured, including one gored in the head and one Bobbittized.
>>>> >    Said one participant, "It's just one bull against [a town of] a
>>>> >    thousand Morons."
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >    SOME MORE ALSO RANS
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >1.  Four people were injured in a string of related bizarre
>>>> >accidents.
>>>> >    Jerry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying
>>>> >    masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash
>>>> >    and contusions on his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran
>>>> >    suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick's first two fingers
>>>> >    of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had just dropped
>>>> >    her husband off for his first day of work and, in addition to a
>>>> >    good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him. "I'm still not
>>>> >    sure why I did it," she said later "I was really close to the
>>>> >    car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't
>>>> >    have been for more than two seconds". However, cab driver Vegas
>>>> >    did see and lost control of his cab, running over the curb and
>>>> >    into the corner of the Johnson Medical Building. Inside,
>>>> >    Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The
>>>> >    crash of the cab against the building making her jump, tearing
>>>> >    Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick. In shock, he bit down,
>>>> >    severing two fingers from Klesick's hand. Moeller's wound was
>>>> >    caused by a falling piece of the medical building.
>>>> >
>>>> >2.  TAOS, NM - A woman went to a poison control center after eating
>>>> >    three birth-control vaginal inserts. Her English was so bad she
>>>> >    had to draw a picture describing how she believed she had
>>>> >    poisoned herself. A translator arrived shortly thereafter and
>>>> >    confirmed doctors' suspicions. Marie Valishnokov thought the
>>>> >    inserts were some kind of candy or gum, being unable to read the
>>>> >    foil wrappers. After the third one, she realized something was
>>>> >    wrong when her throat and mouth began to fill with a
>>>> >    sour-tasting foam. She ran for the Poison Control Center, only a
>>>> >    few blocks away where doctors were able to flush the foam from
>>>> >    her mouth, throat, and stomach with no ill effects.
>>>> >
>>>> >3.  La Grange, GA - Attorney Antonio Mendoza was released from a
>>>> >    trauma center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum.
>>>> >    "My dog drags the thing all over the house," he said later. "He
>>>> >    must have dragged it into the shower. I slipped on the tile,
>>>> >    tripped against the dog and sat down right on the thing." The
>>>> >    extraction took more than three hours due to the fact that the
>>>> >    cover to Mr. Mendoza's phone had opened during insertion. "He
>>>> >    was a real trooper during the entire episode," said Dr. Dennis
>>>> >    Crobe. "Tony just cracked jokes and really seemed to be enjoying
>>>> >    himself. Three times during the extraction his phone rang and
>>>> >    each time, he made jokes about it that just had us rolling on
>>>> >    the floor. By the time he finished, we really did expect to find
>>>> >    an answering machine in there".
>>>> >
>>>> >4.  TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several
>>>> >friends
>>>> >    when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped
>>>> >    from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The
>>>> >    conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along
>>>> >    the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the
>>>> >    midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought
>>>> >    bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered
>>>> >    and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One
>>>> >    end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other
>>>> >    end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the
>>>> >    cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
>>>> >    miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was
>>>> >    rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham,
>>>> >    "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just
>>>> >    no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
>>>> >
>>>> >5.  BREMERTON, WA - Christopher Coulter and his wife, Emily, were
>>>> >    engaging in bondage games when Christopher suggested spreading
>>>> >    peanut butter on his genitals and letting Rudy, their Irish
>>>> >    Setter, lick them clean. Sadly, Rudy lost control and began
>>>> >    tearing at Christopher's penis and testicles. Rudy refused to
>>>> >    obey commands and a panicked Emily threw a half-gallon bottle of
>>>> >    perfume at the dog. The bottle broke, covering the dog and
>>>> >    Christopher with perfume. Startled, Rudy leaped back, tearing
>>>> >    away the penis. While trying to get her unconscious husband in
>>>> >    the car to take him to the hospital, Emily fell twice, injuring
>>>> >    her wrist and ankle. Christopher's penis was in a Styrofoam ice
>>>> >    cooler. "Chris is just plain lucky," said the surgeon who spent
>>>> >    eight hours reattaching the penis. "Believe it or not, the
>>>> >    perfume turned out to be very fortuitous. The high alcohol
>>>> >    content, which must have been excruciatingly painful, helped
>>>> >    sterilize the wound. Also, aside from it being removed, the
>>>> >    damage caused by the dog's teeth to the penis per se is minimal.
>>>> >    It's really a very stringy piece of flesh. Mr. Coulter stands an
>>>> >    excellent chance of regaining the use of his limb because of
>>>> >    this." Washington Animal Control has no plans to seize Rudy.
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >    AND, THE WINNER IS:
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >    PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich
>>>> >    Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal
>>>> >    laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs, and prunes
>>>> >    before
>>>> the
>>>> >    plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly-and suffocated the keeper
>>>> >    under 200 pounds of excrement. Investigators say ill-fated
>>>> >    Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
>>>> >    olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a
>>>> >    dump truck full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's
>>>> >    unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where
>>>> >    he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant
>>>> >    continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said
>>>> >    flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one
>>>> >    there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an
>>>> >    hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he
>>>> >    suffocated. "It seems to be just one of those freak accidents
>>>> >    that happen."*
>>>> >
>>>>
>>
>