linux-l: Trekkies und Microsoft-Geschaedigte

[Siegfried Pohl]

Hallo Leute,

mal was zur Erfrischung zwischendurch...



Star Trek & Microsoft

Picard:             Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your
                    attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And
                    Mr. Data, have you been able to access their
                    command pathways?
Geordi:              Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by
                    searching through our archives on late
                    Twentieth-century computing technology.
Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
Riker [puzzled]:     What the heck is Microsoft?
Data
[turns to explain]:  Allow me to explain. We will send this program,
                    for some reason called Windows, through the
                    Borg command pathways. Once inside their root
                    command unit, it will begin consuming system
                    resources at an unstoppable rate.
Picard:              But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they
                    alter their processing systems to increase their
                    storage capacity?
Data:                Yes, Captain. But when Windows detects this, it
                    creates a new version of itself known as an
                    upgrade. The use of resources increases
                    exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not
                    be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of
                    their processing ability will be taken over and none
                    will be available for their normal operational
                    functions.
Picard:              Excellent work. This is even better than that
                    unsolvable geometric shape idea.
15 Minutes Later
Data:                Captain, we have successfully installed the
                    Windows in the Borg's command unit. As
                    expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all
                    available resources. However, we have not
                    received any confirmation of the expected
                    upgrade.
Geordi:              Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg
                    storage and CPU capacity, but we still have no
                    indication of an upgrade to compensate for their
                    increase.
Picard:              Data, scan the history banks again and determine if
                    there is something we have missed.
Data:              Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the
                    upgrade. Apparently the Borg have circumvented
                    that part of the plan by not sending in their
                    registration cards.
Riker:               Captain, we have no choice. Requesting
                    permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F!
Geordi [excited]:    Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly
                    dropped to 0%!
Picard:              Data, what do your scanners show?
Data
[studying displays]: Apparently the Borg have found the internal
                    Windows module named Solitaire, and it has used
                    up all available CPU capacity.
Picard:              Let's wait and see how long this Solitaire can
                    reduce their functionality.
Two Hours Pass
Riker:               Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?
Geordi:              As expected, the Borg are attempting to
                    re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and
                    storage demands, but each time they successfully
                    increase resources I have setup our closest deep
                    space monitor beacon to transmit more Windows
                    modules from something called the Microsoft
                    Fun-Pack.
Picard:              How much time will that buy us?
Data:                Current Borg solution rates allow me to predict an
                    interest time span of 6 more hours.
Geordi:              Captain, another vessel has entered our sector.
Picard:              Identify.
Data:                It appears to have markings very similar to the
                    Microsoft logo...
Over the speakers:   This is admiral Bill Gates of the Microsoft flagship
                    MONOPOLY. We have positive confirmation of
                    unregistered software in this sector. Surrender all
                    assets and we can avoid any trouble. You have 10
                    seconds to comply.
Data:                The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches
                    and released thousands of humanoid-shaped
                    objects. Picard: Magnify forward viewer on the
                    alien craft!
Riker:               My Gosh, captain! Those are human beings
                    floating straight toward the Borg ship - with no life
                    support suits! How can they survive the tortures of
                    deep space?!
Data:                I don't believe that those are humans, sir. If you
                    will look closer I believe you will see that they are
                    carrying something recognized by twenty-first
                    century man as doeskin leather briefcases, and
                    wearing Armani suits.
Riker and Picard
together
[horrified]:         Lawyers!!
Geordi:              It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and
                    sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great
                    Awakening.
Data:                True, but apparently some must have survived.
Riker:               They have surrounded the Borg ship and are
                    covering it with all types of papers.
Data:                I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as red
                    tape. It often proves fatal.
Riker:               They're tearing the Borg to pieces!
Picard:              Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch.
                    Even the Borg doesn't deserve such a gruesome
                    death!






--
| Siegfried Pohl <spohl at bert.in-berlin.de> 
| http://www.in-berlin.de/User/bert
| Tel: +49 3381 718056; Fax: +49 3381 718058 
| -> Only wimps use tape backups; real men put their software   
| -> on ftp servers, and let the rest of the world mirror it.
| -> (C) Linus Torvalds